So many adventures. So few times.
- Buffy
- My life is pretty dull. I play with a toddler, watch a lot of Yo Gabba Gabba and experiment with the crock pot. I have no bed time and I find humor in Laffy Taffy jokes. Conan O'Brien is my anti-drug.
Thursday, November 2, 2023
11/2 - Wind
Wednesday, November 1, 2023
11/1 - Heartbeat
The sun is intense today and reflecting off the roof of my office. There is a steady drip drip drip from the gutters and it feels as though today has its own rhythm. Today has its own heartbeat. drip drip drip
As I start another day in my periwinkle office, another morning of warming water for tea and watching the sun wake up the neighborhood across the highway, I feel so fresh. There is a fresh dusting of snow and the spooky season is now done. Its time for family and friends and celebration of blessings. drip drip drip
Its steady. The day is steady. I'm slightly crazy from lack of sleep and repercussions of a bad decision (fueled by the shortage of my ADHD medication) that came to a head in the middle of the night. I drifted back off to sleep, only to be woken time and time again by that reminder of my sloppy spontaneity. By 3 am, I gave up hope and succumbed to the allure of my digital addiction. drip drip drip
My office mate, Gus, needed a break so we headed outside for a short walk in the cold sunshine. As he sniffed and lifted his leg and dug and pulled, I had an intense feeling of belonging. Being where I belong. Contributing, assisting. Comfort of security. Nothing is perfect, but I'm helping make change. drip drip drip
And now here I sit midday, feeling ready to make plans and hopes and goals for the new month. I'm moving forward in the next phase of my 39th year and the typical anxiety of this time of year has lessened. November feels good. drip drip drip
Wednesday, March 29, 2023
39
Thursday, January 19, 2023
And Then
Saturday, December 3, 2022
Hurt
It hurts.
It hurts when people you care about say they want your time, but won’t make time for you.
It hurts when you are desperate to interact with someone outside of work and you realize no one is available.
It hurts when you tell the good stories and are told you are “humble bragging”.
It hurts when you tell the bad stories and are told you only complain.
It hurts to give everything to kids at school and be told that you aren’t giving enough.
It hurts to come home at night and have nothing left to give to your own family.
I‘M hurting. This is a cry for help.
I don’t know how to do this much longer.
The smiles are always forced.